When Your Plans Come Crashing Down

A year ago, all I could think about and talk about was starting my new chapter at UCLA Law School. Yet, here I am, a year later: in Indiana, 2000-some miles away from the future I saw myself in, just a few days before classes will begin.

It hurts. And to tell you the truth, even though it’s been a few weeks, I’m nowhere near over it, although that’s what I tell people. Even when I knew there was really no chance of going anymore, I kept telling myself and others that there could still be a chance and that there’s time left.

I’ll admit, I’m someone who doesn’t take no for an answer very well. I was angry with my mom. I was angry at God. I was angry at myself, for not just packing up and leaving. I was angry at the world, thinking they had to do something with it. I shut my closest friends out, because I didn’t want to face the truth and I felt embarrassed to have to reveal it. Having had to tell the school, I won’t be attending anymore and to drop my classes and registrations, to having told the family I planned to stay with for the school year that my plans have changed… I just lost all hope. I’m typing this in tears, thinking about how badly I reacted and acted a few weeks ago.

Although I think I’ll still need time to get over this setback, there has been so many times when I have felt like this setback was a blessing in disguise. I see the blessing in my baby sister’s huge improvement at school while I’m here to help her; I see the blessing in my mom’s smile when she comes home from work, knowing that my sister is well taken care of and therefore, less work for my mom; I see the blessing in the friendships I have at home, old and new; I see the blessing in being able to grow closer to the church that I’m a part of at home.

Because of not moving across the country, the biggest blessing has been the chance to become closer to my God. Growing in His Word has taught me to rely on Him in the good times AND in the bad times. So often, when problems arise, I’m the type to try to solve problems by myself. Yet, the problem was too big for me to handle this time, and I needed something, someone bigger than myself to give me peace. I needed to know that my circumstances do not define who I am. It is Him and His love for me that tells me my worth. It doesn’t matter if I’m successful or make it big in life, it’s about God and what He’s doing for me and through me. 

I know every moment in my life is to prepare me for the future that He has in store for me. I may never know the future that is waiting for me, but I know the One who holds it. I believe every parent would want the best for his/her daughter so it gives me great comfort to hold this truth: I am His daughter. With all my flaws and imperfections. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Let me tell you this, friend. This life we live in, it’s not always going to be straight and clear. It’s going to be rocky, bumpy, with hills all around, you may get lost in a different direction, but believe in this: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55: 8-9. You may cry and get upset at times, but rest assure my friend, your future is in good hands of our One Creator. And one day, when we go to be with Him in Heaven, our lives will be perfect. There will be no more confusion. No more tears.
“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30
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My Christmas Wish

“So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:7

My parents got divorced right before I entered the 3rd grade. Ever since then, I’ve gotten to experience the alternation of spending time with one parent for one holiday, another parent for the next.

Growing up and loving Christmas, I watched movies where the entire family was always together for the holidays. I envied those people. I envied (and still might, to be honest) my friends whose parents have been married for an incredible amount of time and still counting. I’d see “happy anniversary” posts and how their parents are the perfect example of love. Upon seeing those, I would wish “if only my parents were like those people.”

But my family has truly come so far from where we were at. Although my parents couldn’t make it work with one another, I know they truly love both my brother and I. Although they’re not together, they still respect each other for the sake of us. And because they’re not together, they respectively found the spouse that makes them happy.

I have been truly blessed with both of my parents staying in the same town so I could easily go to my dad’s for the weekends, as I lived with my mom during the week.

Even though I wish that my entire family could be together for every holiday, I know I’m still blessed. As I become more aware of the world around me, I know there are those who aren’t as lucky as me. There are those fighting for our lives so we could be safe who don’t get the opportunity to spend time with their loved ones for the holidays. My parents were both refugees so I could only imagine those fleeing from their country to a safer place right now, who may have had to separate from their families just to do so. And I know there are families out there who have to spend their first Christmas without a special person who aren’t in their lives anymore. There are those who won’t even get a Christmas.

So my Christmas wish is this: for everyone to have someone that makes it feel like Christmas all the time. No matter where you are, no matter how much you have. My wish is that each one of has love no matter the season.

It won’t matter what those earthbound gifts under the tree are. What should matter are the ones who are by your side when you’re opening them. Physically or in heart.The greatest gift I could ever ask for are the people who God have placed into my heart and life.

My family may not be the ideal family, but they’re mine, and for that I am completely thankful.

Happy holidays, everyone! 

Christmas Eve quotes greeting wishes cards photos (10)

God is Greater.

It’s funny how one day can go perfectly well and the next, it seems the world is crumbling down.

Yesterday, I did my normal Sunday routine: woke up, went to church, came home and spent time with family. I’ve recently been going to a new church which I already absolutely love and was raving about the fantastic service yesterday to my friend. I went on with my day, carefree and optimistic about life as I usually am.

The next morning comes and someone I know was hurting. I didn’t realize this and went on asking how her weekend was. She replied with, “decent, but just 10 minutes ago, I got a phone call that my grandma was admitted into the hospital.” My heart sank, because I didn’t know what to do. I caught a glimpse of her wiping her tears away and all I could say was “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

To add further, I went on facebook and saw most of my Butler friends sharing this blog post that Samantha Smith (wife of Andrew Smith, former Butler Basketball player) wrote, asking others to keep them in their thoughts and prayers. Just looking at the commentary, I already knew I was going to have a hard time reading her blog post, but once I read it anyway, desperation and sadness overwhelmed me. (For those who don’t know, Andrew Smith was diagnosed with lymphoma a while ago, has been battling it for 2 years, received a bone marrow transplant, however that failed and is now diagnosed with leukemia.) Again, I just didn’t know what to do and felt helpless. Especially when it’s so close to the Christmas season. Shouldn’t this time be joyful and triumphant?

After a few hours of sulking and feeling helpless, I wrote in my prayer journal and then the words came to me: Tammy, do you have so little faith in your Lord? It struck me hard.

So often I forget that God is with us in midst of our troubles. I tend to look for solutions for my troubles and challenges myself. I forget that God has a plan, that He is faithful, that I shouldn’t face these challenging times alone.

When life is challenging, God is in the middle. He is fighting for us. He has not deserted us to fight these battles alone. It’s hard to always believe that when one thing happens after another: Amanda Blackburn’s murder, the horrible shootings in Paris and San Bernardino and a lot of other places throughout the world, this and that. But we must not lose our focus of hope. And that hope is God.

God uses these challenges for His greater good. God is SO much greater than all the troubles we are facing. Look at it this way: because what has happened to Amanda and the Smiths, it has brought people closer to God or even to Him. It has made us focus on His purpose for our lives. Because of what has happened in Paris and other places, we have come together as a nation. We have joined in solidarity with the world.

So I pray to remember that even when life gets challenging, to try to look at the good. Good and bad things are always happening, but I must remember that the goodness and love beats darkness and hate.

We will conquer, because God is our conquerer.

 

The Value of Today’s Expectations vs. the Value of God’s Love

I have about a week and a half left before classes start back up again, and as I look around the stores while shopping for back to school things, I can’t help but think about how the society we live in is now so used to the status quo and wanting to fit in so much that sometimes we lose ourselves in the process. And because we lose ourselves, we lose what’s really important, what really matters. What should matter and really matters is what God thinks of us, not what other thinks of us.

I admit that sometimes I lose sight of this. I think we all do at some points in our lives. I’m guilty of asking for others’ opinions on certain things, sometimes feeling pressured within myself to experience “the normal college life”, or posting on social media with happy pictures/statuses/tweets that’ll look like I live a glamorous life so I can get ‘likes’/’favorites’ to make me feel popular so I can feel whole.

But it’s God and His undying love for me who makes me feel whole.

Although I like to think others would take a bullet for me, I honestly don’t think that’s the case. However, God gave His only Son so that we may know Him. It’s still somewhat hard to believe He did that just so I could have a relationship with Him. Even though I’m not someone worthy to know and love… He still does, fiercely. Despite my imperfections, my faults, and my stubbornness over the tiniest things.

We put so much value on things like jewelry and idols where one day it’ll lose its value due to some circumstance. As you know, twitter and even facebook uses trends to see what’s trending in your city, country, or worldwide. And most of the time, it’s either pop culture related or some type of worldwide phenomenon or trend.

They’ll be yesterday’s news one day. God won’t.

I hope once I get back to school, I’ll remember this no matter what I do. It’s tough wanting to choose the path that’ll make me seem successful than others, but I know it shouldn’t be a popularity contest. Whatever decisions I make should glorify God, not myself, not anyone else.

Also this is a side note, but an update on my Vietnam trip that I talked about in one of my older posts – it seems like God has a different plan for me after all. I’m not going to be able to make the trip for winter break, but I just recently got news about the possibility of my grandpa, who I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, could be visiting us in the US instead! Prayers would be much appreciated as I look forward to good news in the near future about this! ☺  

He must become greater, and I must become less

He must become greater, and I must become less

I’ve fallen in love.

I’ve come to know a guy about four years ago. Ever since, he’s been my rock. He’s there when I laugh, when I cry, when I celebrate, or when I’m feeling a little stressed and tired of life. He’s been a pretty patient guy, even if sometimes I doubt him. Overall, it’s been a pretty fantastic relationship and I couldn’t have asked for more.

Yes, I’ve fallen in love with God.

Over four years ago, I was sitting in AP Seminar my junior year of high school (sometime after August 2009). There was a girl, Lauren, who I quickly befriended because she sat in front of me since we sat in chronological order by last name. She was also in one of my other classes. One day, we decided to hang out after school. It was a Thursday night, so she had what was called a youth group, which I had no idea what it was at the time. It sounded like it was just a group with a bunch of youths. Which it was, but so much more. Anyways, after our dinner at steak n shake, we pulled up into a church parking lot and went inside where everyone started greeting us. It didn’t even matter that I was new to the group or had never been to their youth group meetings before, they welcomed me in like family. I had no idea what I was in for.

We talked about God, got into the Bible, prayed and worshiped. It was really all new to me.

It was all new to me, because I grew up in a Buddhist home. Both my parents are Buddhists, so growing up I’ve always believed I was Buddhist. But what exactly is a Buddhist and what do they believe in? I couldn’t tell you, because even though I believed I was one because of my parents, I never learned the rituals, traditions, and beliefs of Buddhism. The only extent to my Buddhism experience was going to temples a few times while I visited Vietnam, and even then those was more like sightseeing adventures more than anything else.

At first I was really uncomfortable talking about God and faith, but it really challenged me to explore the Christian faith, my own faith, and what I believe in my heart and want to believe in.

I continued on going to youth group because I just had a great time the first time and wanted to become friends with these wonderful people I had met. Later on in the year, the youth group I went to, I found out hosted an annual winter conference(GCYC) at the church. I decided I had nothing to lose and honestly wanted something to do during winter vacation, so I signed up for GCYC.

At the beginning, I was a little apprehensive since there were many more people joining us than the regular group we had every week at youth group, but my shyness quickly died down. We had fellowship time, quiet time with God, testimonies, and getting into the Bible time daily. And also worship. I think it was something about the second to last day when we worshiped, that the words (“Lead me to the cross where Your heart poured out“) poured into my heart and I could feel God’s Embrace. That was when I knew I needed Him in my life, to be my Savior, to be my Everything. I also knew that the people around me were too wonderful for words and they played a huge part in shaping me into who I am today.

In addition to going to youth group, I also began to attend Sunday services. It was about this time I thought about my next step in my relationship with Christ. I remembered that during GCYC, someone I knew had decided to get baptized and give his life over to Christ, to grow further in his relationship with God, and I just thought how cool and admirable that was.

After praying about it for some time, I talked to my youth pastor about this and the possibility of getting baptized. This was in June, and he found out that the church was getting ready to ask anyone who wanted to get baptized to attend some meetings before the baptism ceremony in July. So I decided to take that step. I was officially baptized on July 25, 2010. (However, a few days before my baptism, I was a bit hesitant into going through with this. It was the toughest three weeks of my life when it included a death of a friend and my ex-boyfriend cheating on me after an argument. However though, two nights before my baptism, I prayed and just talked to God and told Him everything that’s been going on and how I was feeling with all this, and just literally asking Him if I’m ready to take this next step, both in my heart and mind. The following morning or so, I felt the best I could have ever felt. I knew being baptized was I needed to do.)

It really hasn’t been the perfect life since I made that choice, as some people may think that once you have God in your life, He would make your life perfect. No. But what it has been is an exciting, stressful, most rewarding journey ever since. You see, ever since then, there have been MANY obstacles in my life, but these obstacles have taught me to keep my eyes on to Him. That the obstacles I’m facing were testing my strength of faith and were really blessings in disguise, even if I thought God was playing around with me at times. Without some of the obstacles and distraught I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t be where I am today nor would I be the person I am today. Also I’ve learned that things happen. It’s not God’s responsibility to make good things happen all the time. If we lived a perfect life, what’s the point of seeking God and having Him in the center of our lives? Sometimes Satan tempts you, but as you look to the light that is God, you will see He will protect you like He protects all His children. Sometimes we look into too much of the small details of life, when we should really look at the bigger picture. I may not know what the future has in store for me, but I know that it will be all in God’s purpose for me in the end. All the sufferings and pain I’ll go through, will be nothing like the joy I have knowing God loves me so much that His Son died for me when I’m not someone worth dying for.

I’m not perfect nor will I ever be near to perfect, but if I can lead people to Christ, a Lord WHO IS perfect… Who loves me despite my sins and scars, through my testimony, why should I want to be perfect? As long as I’m locking my eyes to Christ, as long as I strive to become Christ-like, where others can see it clearly, I think I’ll be alright. I won’t be perfect, but I’ll be alright.

7-25-10

7-25-10

During GCYC - we had the ice rink cleared so I got a chance to ice skate due to the rink's rules. How cool!

During GCYC – we had the ice rink cleared so I got a chance to ice skate due to the rink’s rules. How cool!

Also, if you want to read the testimony I gave the morning of my baptism, here it is:

I’ve always sort of believed in God, but not fully. Before I accepted Jesus Christ into my life, I wouldn’t say I was a bad kid, I would say that I was a kid who felt like she was just living for the sake of living. I’ve grew up always wondering, “why am I like this? Out of everyone, why did it have to be ME?”

On the night of October 24, 2009 — I had a dream. * I had a dream that I could walk. This sounds wonderful, right? Wrong. In this dream, I was completely different from the person I am right now. I’ve come to realize that who I am and the way I am is all a part of God’s plans. In December, I was led to a miraculous event called GCYC. Out of the course of these three days, I’ve witnessed so many great, life-changing things. On the last day, I knew I was ready to accept Jesus Christ into my life and as my savior.

Now when I think to myself, “Why am I like this?” I answer myself, “Why shouldn’t I be like this? I’m this way for a reason. Don’t let that talent and gift go to waste.” I couldn’t of asked God for a better life than the one I’m living right now. Full of love, adventure, and hope. Ever since I’ve accepted Christ into my life, I’ve been led to such amazing people, people who’ve inspired me to be the best I can be, people who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, and for that I can’t thank them or Him enough for that. Thank you.

God Provides

Even before the age of one, I had already ridden a plane. Traveling has always been a big part of me, whether it’s by plane, car, train or simply with my wheelchair. It’s really hard for me to stay in one spot for so long.

There have been some pretty awesome and incredible places that I have had the privilege and opportunity to have traveled and see. For example, for around the US, I have gotten to visit New Jersey, New York, Chicago, Indianapolis, Washington D.C, just to name a few. Outside of the U.S., I’ve been able to explore parts of Canada, several countries in Europe as well as Vietnam and other parts of Asia. As some of you may know, or have read in one of my previous blogs, my parents are from Vietnam and were the only ones who immigrated to America out of both of their families. Thus, out of all the places I have traveled, a huge part of my heart is in Vietnam with the rest of my extended family. The country and the people there will always hold a special place in my heart.

The last time I visited Vietnam was right after my high school graduation. I was lucky enough to have spent three amazing weeks with my Dad and my stepmom’s side of the family. However, due to some circumstances, I was not able to see any family on my mother’s side.

I’m about to go off topic here for a bit, but it relates to the rest of my post, I promise – I’ve mentioned that I have been having weekly Bible study with a dear friend of mine and although, it’s only been a couple of weeks since we started, I have taken away some lessons that God has taught in the Bible. Week after week, God has been showing that He has always been ever faithful and has fulfilled and continues on fulfilling His promises, big or small, as we have read so far in Genesis about the stories of Noah, Abraham and Sarah. It also helped us reflect on the Promises He has given to us. To be honest, I had a difficult time trying to identify what Promises God has given me and granted me. Although I know He brought His only Son into the world and had Him die for my sins, it was hard for me to come up with my own situations where God has said, “Here, Tammy, I promise you this and that.” Obviously, God doesn’t work that way. But the more I thought about it, He HAS ever been so faithful to me and to my desires throughout life. He has helped me throughout my parents’ divorce, when I went to a new school where I knew nobody, to the relationships I’ve developed and broken, this was even when I didn’t think I needed God in my life. How awesome is that? After I accepted Jesus as my Savior and knew I needed Christ in my life, He has still been faithful to this day. Now back to the main topic, which is traveling. I can pinpoint a couple of instances/trips where without the promise and guidance of God, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities to go.

In 2009, I was given the opportunity to learn about the culture and history of Europe through a national program for middle and high school students, People to People. From the start of planning the trip, my mom and I were worried we weren’t able to afford it, but He was able to help quickly with that. Another setback before the trip even began was that due to my wheelchair-bound nature, the program coordinators were worried about how I would get around and insisted I find someone to come with me so they can help. Although my mom was thinking about going with me, there was that issue with money if she had gone as well. So eventually God fulfilled my desire to go by having a friend that was already planning on going on this trip to be my “assistant”. From the trip, I have made lasting memories and friendships that I still hold to this day. I will always be grateful to God and my friend for allowing me to experience an once-in-a-lifetime adventure in Europe.

Another instance, which is also related to traveling and God’s promise, was during my spring break of freshman year in college. I had never gone to Florida and the on campus Christian community I had been involved in, Crusade for Christ, also known as CRU, travels down to Panama City Beach every spring break to serve God and do God’s work through evangelism and bringing people closer to God’s word. In addition to me never having visited Florida, I had never also been on a mission trip. So I prayed and prayed asking God if this was what He had in mind for me for my spring break or to go back home to my family (I mean, it was my first year of college so I was missing my mother’s cooking and my sister very badly at this time, as well as this was the time where one of my best friends was going through a rough time and I knew I would have limited time to talk to her while in Florida whereas I could have talked to her anytime I wanted – well unless she was busy haha.) But through the encouragement of friends, I had decided to find a way to go on the mission trip. However, like everything else, money was a factor. I had to find a way to afford the trip’s fee, which my mom graciously gave me as a birthday gift. However, not only did I have to pay the trip’s fee, I also had to be able to afford a beach wheelchair, because apparently my personal wheelchair has a difficult time maneuvering in the sand. So although, I had been able to pay my way to be able to participate on the trip, the fact that I needed to find a way to be able to afford the beach wheelchair, which was even more than the trip’s fee) limited my chance of going. You already know what comes next right? Yup, God came through for me once again. Although I hated asking people for money, I realized that I wasn’t asking people for money for my own selfishness and so that I could go out and party during spring break, but it was for me to work on God’s mission for the world so that everyone may come to know Him and His everlasting love. So with that in mind, I started asking my dearest friends and family, and not only did I reach my goal, the amount I was blessed with getting exceeded in a way where I cried for half an hour at how wonderful God works for us and the support I had from such wonderful people.

In the last couple of years, God has also shown me that life is short. I have already mentioned this in a previous blog post, but growing up I never really had anyone close to me leave me. It wasn’t until the summer of my college sophomore year where I went to my first funeral, and it seemed like once I went to my first, it just kept on going. I came in naïve and believing life is truly a fairy tale, but it really isn’t. After having a couple of my loved ones leave me and seeing others I hold dear to my heart grieving, it truly broke my heart for awhile. But knowing God’s in control gives me comfort and I know that someday I’ll be able to see them again.

There had been recent two deaths in Vietnam of ones who I dearly miss. It also infuriated me that I wasn’t able to comfort their loved ones throughout those times either. One I was able to see when I went to Vietnam in 2011 with my dad, but the other person I had not seen since I was in middle school. What I wouldn’t give to have seen her one last time in the past recent years.

So, God has put in my heart for a while now a chance for me to visit Vietnam before I head off to law school or the work force, whatever God has planned for me. I’ve truly struggled with this, because after my last trip after high school, I planned on returning once I started working and having a stable job, where I could possibly take some time off after a few years. But like I said, life is short. And I’m afraid that this may be my only time before a very long time where I can see everyone in Vietnam again. Although I was planning for a while last winter break to visit Vietnam, my plans fell through and it just didn’t work out.

However, I’m trusting God will provide the means for me to visit my mom’s side of the family in Vietnam this upcoming winter. I’ve already begun looking at airfares, my academic schedule, and so forth. Although this is not necessarily a mission trip where I will serve the Lord, I believe that in a way God will teach and guide me throughout this journey I have been wishing for some time now.

I am praying and trusting God fully that He will provide me with the funds for at least half of the airfare. So I ask you to pray with me so that I may visit my loved ones in one of the places I call home. I, without a doubt, believe He will come through for me like He always has. God Bless!

 

DSC05801                                       Some of my precious cousins and me in July 2011.

And yes, I did write this at four in the morning.

Oh the Possibilities!

Right now I’m laying in the hammock, that my family spontaneously bought after I had jokingly brought it up during lunch earlier, in this high 60s weather. Life couldn’t get any better right now.

I’ve been out of school for about a week and a half now and enjoying this beautiful weather. Although, there were a couple of days that were bleak and rainy. However on sunny days like this, I couldn’t be more thankful to enjoy the warmth of the sun shining down.

This summer is the last real summer before heading out into the real world, so of course a lot of people I know are making the most of their summer by finding something productive to do to show potential employers how dedicated they are in their fields and not just laying around wasting time.

I started the internship and job search process back in January. It was probably the most difficult, stressful, and worrisome months I’ve ever experienced. There were multiple interviews, e-mailing, phone calls, stressing, crying, and relief. But I’ve learned so much throughout the process with both offers and rejections. I’m proud to say that I will be working with Granger Community Church in my hometown with their PR department handling press releases, working with the magazines the church publishes, their e-newsletters, and much more. I am so thankful for this opportunity and cannot wait to get started in June.

In addition to my internship, there are a couple of things I would like to be focus on. My faith is a big part of me and who I want to be. I think that’s why I’m really excited to work in a church environment. So this summer I hope to really grow in my faith and rely on God to make me the person He wants me to be. In reaching this, a very good friend of mine and I are having a weekly Bible study just diving into God’s word. We’ll talk about the Bible itself, but relate it to our lives, and life in general. I’m actually pretty psyched for this and nervous at the same time. I know if I want to get anything out of this, I’ll have to be vulnerable and lay it all out for God to see. I think a part of me also is worried that there have been some deep secrets laid in my heart that I’m afraid to open or speak out, worrying what others may think of me if I actually spoke them out. So during my past Bible studies, I usually gave common answers instead of truly searching my heart. However with this much smaller, intimate setting with one of the closest friends I have, I hope to really give in and put all my defenses down. Even if I know there could be some judgement. But in the end, I know God doesn’t judge. He wants us and all of us.

I love reading… when I’m not forced to. Which is why summer is the perfect time to read the books I want to read. Since the start of summer I’ve probably read at least 10 books. Most of them have been young adult books. Yup, YA books are a favorite pastime of mine.  I’ve been reading other genres as well, but it seems like YA books are more likely to take me into another world so even if I’m not in my teens anymore, it will and probably will always be my guilty pleasure. Right now, I’m currently trying to juggle reading six books. It’s really four though, because two of them are daily readings. Besides the hammock I’m laying in right now, I’ve found this perfect reading spot in my mom’s backyard under a small tree that has the perfect amount of shade. I especially enjoy going there when I just want some alone time with God.

Looking to the future, I have to get geared up for law school… or other opportunities should law school not be the path God wants me to take. I’ve begun my law school search, looked at their requirements and the acceptance rates (and perhaps cried a little),  and started looking into the application process. It’s a little scary to think I may have 3 more years of schooling ahead of me, but it’s also exciting because I really think law will most likely become a passion of mine. I know I just want to do good for society but more for God. So I hope this leap of faith I’m taking is exactly where God wants me to be.

Sometimes worrying about the future tires me out, so I’m learning to live in the moment this summer. I’m a planner. I need to plan most of my week out if not all of it. So when things don’t go my way, I stress out. So I’m hoping this summer will be a lesson in just living in the moment as the moments come to me. Besides my internship and my Bible study, I don’t really know what I’ll be doing. I’ll probably be reading. Maybe I’ll finally learn how to play the acoustic guitar I bought in middle school that I never really touch since then. Or seeing that it’s my last possible summer before leaving my family, I hope to spend some quality time with them. When I’m not doing anything, I’m most likely going to be watching my sister (who turns 5 this July) and teaching her as much as I can before she heads off to kindergarten this fall. My brother is also going to graduate high school this June. Time sure does fly by. And most of all, I hope to spend as much time as I get with my parents, for they’ve given me so much in the last two decades of my life. Although I may be flying out of their nests soon, I know home will always be where they are and I know that I will always be welcomed home.

Seeing that God had some other plans for me the last few summers, I’m predicting something I couldn’t have imagined to happen will happen. I know in the end though, God has a much bigger plan than the one I have for myself.

 

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